Wednesday, May 24, 2017

What's your dream? / Do you want to be different?



For the last decade of my life, I've sat in countless one on one sessions and I've been asked the same questions: “What do you want or of your career? Where do you want to be? What do you want to do?” At the end of each of the last nine years, my bosses all look to me as of I am supposed to know what's next. Did I have an answer? Oh sure. Coming to those meetings without a “goal” was the equivalent of saying put my name next on the chopping block.The honest truth was always that I didn't know. Only recently have I become to know that the reason I didn't know was because I've never really been invested in my job. I came in every day. I enthusiastically gave my 110%. I climbed the ranks within a short period of time but I didn't have any attachment to what I was doing beyond my own pride in doing anything I do well. Exceeding by simply outperforming my peers, gathering as much knowledge in my job as my brain could soak up. The was no true passion for me in my job. I merely survived (most figuratively, considering the almost constant threat of losing my job to the next cheapest "best shore" country). I was a chameleon. I adapted to whatever they needed me to do so I could keep making money to keep up my new lifestyle I'd become accustomed to. A lifestyle very unlike my upbringing which had become a constant crutch. You see, when you grow up poor, and then actually make it out, you know what it would look like if you lost it all. It was twenty plus years of grueling and sacrifice to drag myself from the depths, so I didn't mind wallowing in complacency for a few years. But every time they asked those questions in my end of year reviews, I yearned to have something legitimate to be looking forward to. I wanted to be able to spew my excitement for my next task, but fell short each time. It nagged at my mind over the course of the year, dreading the next time someone would ask me. So I made it up. Become an account lead. Get a PMP and be a project manager. And I was convincing because I did all the pre-work to figure out what I'd need for those things. But they weren't what I was longing for. I wanted something I was legitimately inspired about doing. What I needed was something different, something to feed my soul. Something to express my creativity with a fiery passion about the content. Playing hide and seek with servers and laptops just isn't cutting it. It's pretty bad when you've spent your days wishing your name would somehow end up on the "workforce reduction" list, so you'd have a catalyst to force you into making your next move. I almost was starting to think I was getting too old to even begin trying to do something I'd really want. Something creative. Something that I can use to explore my soul. I recalled listening to a coffee talk by one of our managers.



Cut to today. Every Wednesday, around lunch time, I eagerly search out the Magic: the Gathering website and open up the newest addition to the current set's story line. I was disappointed to see there was no new entry for today and lamented to my brother. He pointed me into the direction of a podcast Q&A by two of the content writers for the story. They talked about developing their stories and answered questions. Now, I play M:TG reguarly. I have played in all forms of tournaments. I've played on and off since about 1995 or so and got back into it heavy just at the end of Rise of Eldrazi. But over the years, I've been more drawn into the universe by the story and the art more than the game play or even meta game. I attach to the characters in the stories and always want to know more about what makes them tick. I was disappointed when they stopped making the novels and including them in the fat packs. I lapped up every bit of story that was included in the fat packs after that. It was important to me to understand the motivations of the characters as a key for linking my mind to playing the game. When they started posting the story on the website, I started reading them voraciously. I surreptitiously fantasized about what it would be like to actually write these stories of the characters that were so ingrained in my life. One of the Q&A questions the pair today had to answer was basically about how they got the jobs they have. They recommended to just keep writing, etc. Typical answers. But as I listened I found my way to the Wizards page and onto their jobs link. And lo and behold, there it was. it all but slapped me in the face.

It was exactly what I was looking for. Of course, I knew I wouldn't have the qualifications for the job. Oh, I most definitely believe I have the talent and creative ability to do the job. No doubt in my mind. Ever curious, I linked on the apply link. And there it was; my limitation. It requested a Portfolio link. Truthfully, I hadn't written anything meaningful in a few years and I definitely didn't have a portfolio. But an excitement grew within me about a potential job that I never knew existed within me. I began thinking about all the possibilities and plans and reactions. (I have quite the imagination). But if I want this job, I have to get my shit together. So, here's my declaration/vision board: Within 5 years, I want to have this job. To achieve this, I will do the following, starting with this post:

1. Start a portfolio.
2. WRITE!
3. Read all the M:TG and other fantasy type media I can find to develop and hone my skills. (i.e.: DO Research.

So here I go!